Aca-nthoughts

15:25

Wow. It’s literally been a while. Where do I even begin?

As with everyone, it has been a very trying time. Physically, emotionally, mentally and all the other ‘ally’ I’m exhausted – quite sure we all were. There were days when I just lose it, and feel all of the exhaustion and frustration eat me up alive and the sadness that comes thinking of how horrible this whole ‘thing’ was for the world and I couldn’t empathise enough but all the tragedies aside, I am more appreciative of each day that I and my family, friends, colleagues wake up alive and well.

Theoretically, I felt like I had some sort of advantage because in my line of work, I somehow understood how it works and some of the basic concepts and I can easily cling to simple measures to avoid it. But with my family – Mama, Auntie and Uncle being here, I was such a nervous wreck. At one point, I was thinking I am just happy for them to be with me. See things that I long wished to share and experience with them. But then, as we all watched the whole situation and how the world took a step back, I literally had sleepless nights worrying over the possibilities of turning what would have been a fun vacation into a disaster. As usual, my ‘advance mag-isip‘ mindset sent me into deep well of anxiety because I just can’t bear the thought of being the one putting them at risk. It’s just so hard finding that balance, but little by little I think we made it work and found ways to make their vacation worthwhile.

Fast forward to 5 months later, I feel some sort of peace knowing that they’re finally back home (after a very disastrous journey of excess baggage and quarantine) and still, healthy (ish). I thought I would be fazed when we sent them off to the airport but that feeling when we got back home and had the house empty for the first time in months just had me weeping so bad. I miss that feeling of security, knowing they’re just around. I miss home cooked meals, our chores holiday and the feeling of going home and seeing people, especially my Mama who’s always so excited to see me.

I guess living away from them the past 6 years did teach me a lot about independence and responsibility but having them here even for a short period of time made me realise how much I miss having them around. How much I still yearn to be babied and not to do any adulting stuff at all. Ahhh I miss them.

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Aca-nthoughts, Acan’t Forget

02:54

Bigla kong naalala high school! Andaming nangyari, I don’t want to forget everything!

Disclaimer: oversharing posts ahead! Read at your own risk.

… I was a freshman back then pero nabarkada ako sa higher years because of cheering. Sakanila ko nadiscover ang bubblegum flavoured lambanog. I remember how I pretended to like the taste, na kaya ko kahit umiikot na yung sikmura ko.

… I had my first jowa, he was a junior. Sinagot ko over the phone nung 9/11. Kilig na kilig ako. I think he won me over good and funny conversations pero wala nung face to face courtship talaga. I guess uso talaga
yung phone pals nuon. Tanda ko pa number nila, xxx-3733 hahaha. Tulad ng movies, antaas ng expectation ko before pagdating sa jowaan. Kala ko nung sinagot ko, okay na. Kaso parang di siya full relationship experience. More on phone lang pati break up sa phone din. Pero talagang naalala ko after nung tawag na yun, super cry ako sa banyo. Siyempre secret lang na jowa ko kasi hello aga kong humarot lagot ako sa nanay ko. Pero yun nga, parang oa pero I felt na bumigat yung dibdib ko nung nagbreak kame. Tapos todo emote sa friends, lalo na sa inuman. Eventually, nakipagbalikan din siya, and si lola nyo medyo shonga, pumayag naman. It got better and more physical though kasi nakikita nahahawakan ko na siya and to be fair he made an effort naman. Pero bigla nalang din naputol at some point, no formal breakup or anything. Di ko din alam at di na inalam pa.

… Siyempre after ni 3733, ingat na si ate gurl. Di na basta nagpapa apekto sa mga phone pals hahaha. Pumasok sa eksena si xxx-4654. Siguro knows niya yung history sa first kaya ayun mas umeffort. Ang approach, dependable friend, knight and shining armour genern! Tsinaga niya naman ng husto at naka ilang basted din bago nag give in din ang lola nyo. Masaya. Parang first legit relationship and take note, pang teleserye levels ang ganapan lalo na nung nahuli kame ng nanay ko. Di ko kinakaya yung galit at pamamato niya ng cellphone. Nakakaloka. Nagkaroon ng you and me against the world hanash, naglayas pa nga ako. Basta andaming ganap at complications pero yung mismong relationship was good and nafeel ko talaga yung totoong jowa.

… Yung first 2 years, puro lovelife ata inatupag ko hahaha. Pero to be fair, nakabawi naman nung remaining years kasi yung oras ko bukod sa acads, naibuhos naman sa barkada at sobrang thankful ako ngayon kasi naenjoy ko talaga. Yung laging may inuman, tig 10 pesos ang ambagan. Ang uso pa nun na inumin, empe. Tas minsan yung girls, the Bar. Siguro 80% of the time, magkakaroon ng iyakan. Biglang maglalabas ng saloobin, mag eenglish. Tapos, madaming kantahan. Siguro national anthem yung Biglaan ng 6 cycle mind saka yung Masaya ni Bamboo. May designated na bahay inuman, may mga designated din na taga hatid pauwi.  Super stricto ng mama ko pero lagi ko ginagawan ng paraan maka attend lang. May panahon ding naglayas ulit ako, at diko makakalimutan yung mga tulong at payo nila sakin. Kaya siguro nung magccollege na, sobra akong nalungkot kasi andaming mahahalagang alaala with them. Akala ko di ko kakayanin yung next chapter pag wala na sila sa tabi ko.

… Uso pa nuon yung C.A.T, tapos mixed sections. Nagkatoon yung mga grinupo sakin yung mga baturro ng batch. Siyempre challenging pero napakasaya. Di ko makakalimutan yung day na nirequire kame magdala dapat ng mga itatanim na halaman. So siyempre nagassign ako. On the day, wala silang dala so windang ako kasi damay damay na to. So ang ginawa nila, hinugot ba naman yung mga halaman sa kabilang building kaloka! Pero ang mahalaga, pasado na yun ke ser robocop!

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