Aca-sabihan

00:15

Finally! Weekend off where I’m not on call! Himala ba to?

Since work was finally out of the picture, nagyaya akong lumabas just to do some walking and snap some pictures since my favourite season is here. Thankfully, we also have loads of country parks in our area so pasok sa vanga.

All the times we’ve been out since the ‘rents went home were mainly for errands so walang ka-effort effort plus you’re wearing mask all the time so wapakels sa appearance. This time, medyo umandar ata yung pagkababae ko so I wanted to put in a little effort.

Medyo nawindang ako sa choices ko lol. Bukod sa nageffort ako to ditch my specs at mag mook up, nag tuck-in din si ate ghorl. Kebs sa puson at bilbil hahaha. At ang kaloka sa lahat, nag shoulder bag pa talaga ako – take note with chained strap pa yan lol. Di ata pang walking sa kagubatan yung navisualise kong ganap lol. Sabik na sabik lang umaura?

Siyempre may mga arteng photoshoot keme pero diko na ipopost kasi nagexpire na yung confidence level ko kanina. Pero on a medyo serious note, ang sarap din nung feeling na you do something that makes you feel beautiful and confident. I mean alam ko naman na di ako kagandahan plus I’m the first one to always okray myself pero yung moments na bibitawan mo yung insecurities mo and just BE is so refreshing. It also helps na lampake yung mga tao dito. I chose to be carefree about some of my biggest insecurities – my kinky curly hair and ang protruding Chanda romero pero I didn’t get judging eyes or side comments about it. And it radiates pala talaga ano? How you feel inside. Sana mafeel ko to palagi. Iba yung saya pag na-hahappy ka sa sarili mo.

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Aca-nthoughts, Random Snippets

04:16

Di nanaman makatulog. Anuna.

Medyo salarin si Netflix. Hubs and I binged on Cobra Kai and so far it’s a feel good series naman. Brings back memories both from the original movies and in real life. Pero this time, parang you would tend to root for Johnny kasi it showed his struggles and how he was just trying to turn his life around. The whole time I was thinking of Barney (HIMYM) kasi parang this was the side he was always pointing out to everyone. I missed Mr. Miyagi Pat though. Naks, parang close ah. But yeah, this was a huge chunk of my childhood lalo na pag tumugtog na yung “You know our love was meant to be..”.

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Aca-nthoughts

15:25

Wow. It’s literally been a while. Where do I even begin?

As with everyone, it has been a very trying time. Physically, emotionally, mentally and all the other ‘ally’ I’m exhausted – quite sure we all were. There were days when I just lose it, and feel all of the exhaustion and frustration eat me up alive and the sadness that comes thinking of how horrible this whole ‘thing’ was for the world and I couldn’t empathise enough but all the tragedies aside, I am more appreciative of each day that I and my family, friends, colleagues wake up alive and well.

Theoretically, I felt like I had some sort of advantage because in my line of work, I somehow understood how it works and some of the basic concepts and I can easily cling to simple measures to avoid it. But with my family – Mama, Auntie and Uncle being here, I was such a nervous wreck. At one point, I was thinking I am just happy for them to be with me. See things that I long wished to share and experience with them. But then, as we all watched the whole situation and how the world took a step back, I literally had sleepless nights worrying over the possibilities of turning what would have been a fun vacation into a disaster. As usual, my ‘advance mag-isip‘ mindset sent me into deep well of anxiety because I just can’t bear the thought of being the one putting them at risk. It’s just so hard finding that balance, but little by little I think we made it work and found ways to make their vacation worthwhile.

Fast forward to 5 months later, I feel some sort of peace knowing that they’re finally back home (after a very disastrous journey of excess baggage and quarantine) and still, healthy (ish). I thought I would be fazed when we sent them off to the airport but that feeling when we got back home and had the house empty for the first time in months just had me weeping so bad. I miss that feeling of security, knowing they’re just around. I miss home cooked meals, our chores holiday and the feeling of going home and seeing people, especially my Mama who’s always so excited to see me.

I guess living away from them the past 6 years did teach me a lot about independence and responsibility but having them here even for a short period of time made me realise how much I miss having them around. How much I still yearn to be babied and not to do any adulting stuff at all. Ahhh I miss them.

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