Time check: 23:15H

This has been one of my guilty pleasures since then. I find it oddly satisfying- consuming all of my pen’s ink. Parang may feeling of accomplishment. Naks. Yung feeling na shet, natapos ko. Naubos ko. 

3 weeks ago, I finished working as a scrub practitioner for trauma and orthopaedics and moved to what I enjoyed the most- Infection Control. Oh diba? Na-iconnect ko parin namain yung paunang paragraph ko. Going back to my chika, ayun nga, so let me give you a brief kuwento.

I’m at a certain point in my career where I want to do something that I enjoy and I’m passionate of; yung kahit papano, magiging bonakid batang may laban ako. When I worked in the ward, I did find joy and I adored my patients but like a relationship, yung tipong mahal na mahal mo jowa mo pero eventually di na naging healthy dahil sa dami ng stress at sobrang nakakapagod na so, I had to let go. Di na worth it. Looking back on this experience, I told myself “girl, ipahinga mo muna. Chill ka lang muna”. Luckily, I immediately found a post in theatres. Naging rebound siya kumbaga. Pero, sa umpisa lang siya masaya. The excitement faded away quickly kasi you know what, hinahanap ko parin yung nakiki pag usap sa patients and being actively involved. Akala ko separation anxiety lang siya, so what I did was do bank shifts every weekend (plus extra income narin). Swear, super bibo at ligalig ko during my bank shifts. Super namiss ko. Narealise ko na this is the type of work for me. Pero, nagpakamartyr ako. I staye because I didn’t want to just leave them hanging. Nahihiya din ako cause they invested time, money and effort tapos it will all just go down to the drain. Plus, there was this part of me hoping that maybe while I’m here, I might begin embrace it. Pero you know what, it just made me miserable and unhappy. My only consolation was, I loved the people who I was working with. I was always looking forward to tea/lunch breaks and petix lists cause I bonded (to the max) with them. I think part of why I stayed for more than a year thin was because of them.

1 year. I gave myself an ultimatum. Isang taon lang tapos babalik nalang ako sa ward. Then, out of nowhere, I saw an opening. It didn’t excite me though cause honestly, I’ve tried twice to apply for the ICN post pero I can’t seem to get shortlisted. At first I thought it wasn’t really for me and that maybe I should shift in my career pathway. Na maybe, pang Philippines lang yung career ko dito kahit super naenjoy ko yung job. The second time, I realised mahirap yata talaga yung singko tapos tatalon sa syete. Imposible. Naisip ko rin na hindi lang talaga siguro ako qualified. So the third time, I told myself, cclick ko to at aasarin ko nalang sila. Gusto ko magtawanan sila pagkakits na nagaapply nanaman ako. After a week, I was blessed! Eto na!

Fast forward to now. I just realised ang haba pala nung kwento. So kelangan ko ng tapusin. Nakichika lang talaga ako. Saka na yung moral lesson. Ta!