15:25

Wow. It’s literally been a while. Where do I even begin?

As with everyone, it has been a very trying time. Physically, emotionally, mentally and all the other ‘ally’ I’m exhausted – quite sure we all were. There were days when I just lose it, and feel all of the exhaustion and frustration eat me up alive and the sadness that comes thinking of how horrible this whole ‘thing’ was for the world and I couldn’t empathise enough but all the tragedies aside, I am more appreciative of each day that I and my family, friends, colleagues wake up alive and well.

Theoretically, I felt like I had some sort of advantage because in my line of work, I somehow understood how it works and some of the basic concepts and I can easily cling to simple measures to avoid it. But with my family – Mama, Auntie and Uncle being here, I was such a nervous wreck. At one point, I was thinking I am just happy for them to be with me. See things that I long wished to share and experience with them. But then, as we all watched the whole situation and how the world took a step back, I literally had sleepless nights worrying over the possibilities of turning what would have been a fun vacation into a disaster. As usual, my ‘advance mag-isip‘ mindset sent me into deep well of anxiety because I just can’t bear the thought of being the one putting them at risk. It’s just so hard finding that balance, but little by little I think we made it work and found ways to make their vacation worthwhile.

Fast forward to 5 months later, I feel some sort of peace knowing that they’re finally back home (after a very disastrous journey of excess baggage and quarantine) and still, healthy (ish). I thought I would be fazed when we sent them off to the airport but that feeling when we got back home and had the house empty for the first time in months just had me weeping so bad. I miss that feeling of security, knowing they’re just around. I miss home cooked meals, our chores holiday and the feeling of going home and seeing people, especially my Mama who’s always so excited to see me.

I guess living away from them the past 6 years did teach me a lot about independence and responsibility but having them here even for a short period of time made me realise how much I miss having them around. How much I still yearn to be babied and not to do any adulting stuff at all. Ahhh I miss them.

Aca-nthoughts

22:31

I haven’t really done this in a while but I’m happy to have gone outside and looked up – it felt so calming looking at the sky with all it’s twinkling little lights along with the cool breeze and silence. The earth has really been showing off lately. She must have been having her own version of a breather.

Speaking of a breather, it’s been a while since I’ve had a proper day off work since the beginning of the year. It has been a challenge though stopping myself from checking work emails but so far, I’m making progress. And, tiktok has been keeping me occupied haha. I’ve never felt more tita seeing these jugets and their entertaining videos but I still gave in and made some entries lol. Times like these, I think tiktok has given me less stress compared to other social media platforms. Plus, it’s my new form of exercise.

I recently had a change of heart. Char! Before, I used to crush on meztizos and the macho ones hahahah but my attraction has now shifted to Koreans! Blame it to K-dramas and K-pop, I am now officially shipping (naaaaks!) two: Jungkook from BTS and actor Park Seo Jun! Haaang cucuuuuuuute! I love Fight for my way super kilig! ❤️❤️

I’ve randomly cut my hair and got a fringe again. I don’t know why I keep doing this, knowing I’ll regret it again later on hahaha.

I know we’re on lockdown and stuff but this has made me realise how our lifestyle didn’t really change lol. Prior to all of this, our life has always been work – home – errands and repeat. Every now and then there’s the sporadic travel but nothing really major had to change. I guess this has been to our advantage but I still think of some who struggle with this. I do try to keep in touch but I’m still hopeful that everything will eventually go back to normal.

Aca-nthoughts

Hayst.

04:37

I finally had time see what the hype is all about! We started watching Money Heist around noon yesterday (Saturday) and as of writing, ongoing padin ang lola niyo! Before I go into my unsolicited reflections, I feel like I just have to say this show is BRILLIANT, periodt.

I wasn’t meaning to write anything but I can’t help but reflect on Tokyo’s ganap here in this show. If I watched this show when I was younger I would maybe applaud 2 of the main characters’ love affair but seeing things through a tita perspective, I can’t help but be annoyed. Nakakainis, nakakaloka, napaka selfish, immature, puro pag-ibig, pabigla bigla ng desisyon, di pinagiisipan ang mga bagay. My exact comments whilst watching to the point of feeling my blood boiling over how impulsive and destructive this Tokyo-Rio love affair was. Tapos, napatanong nalang ako sa sarili ko – was I Tokyo when I was younger?

Siguro, eto yung sakit ng ulo na nabigay ko sa mama ko before only 10x more pero not on a heist-barilan levels. At a young age, nothing else mattered kundi love and barkada. Ganun pala ano? You just get really lost in the moment. Puro emosyon, alab ng damdamin. Pero kelangan mapagdaanan kasi at the end of the day, madaming natututunan. Not that I’m regretting my decisions back then because I’m still grateful naman pero alam mo yung mapapa kamot ka nalang sa ulo when remembering everything.

I’m also amazed how much maturity can change one’s perceptions about love ano? Although everything is more calculated now, nakakabilib padin how fearless we can be all in the name of the person we adore. Basta, basta! Dami ko ng hanash lol, tapusin ko na nga lahat to!