15:25

Wow. It’s literally been a while. Where do I even begin?

As with everyone, it has been a very trying time. Physically, emotionally, mentally and all the other ‘ally’ I’m exhausted – quite sure we all were. There were days when I just lose it, and feel all of the exhaustion and frustration eat me up alive and the sadness that comes thinking of how horrible this whole ‘thing’ was for the world and I couldn’t empathise enough but all the tragedies aside, I am more appreciative of each day that I and my family, friends, colleagues wake up alive and well.

Theoretically, I felt like I had some sort of advantage because in my line of work, I somehow understood how it works and some of the basic concepts and I can easily cling to simple measures to avoid it. But with my family – Mama, Auntie and Uncle being here, I was such a nervous wreck. At one point, I was thinking I am just happy for them to be with me. See things that I long wished to share and experience with them. But then, as we all watched the whole situation and how the world took a step back, I literally had sleepless nights worrying over the possibilities of turning what would have been a fun vacation into a disaster. As usual, my ‘advance mag-isip‘ mindset sent me into deep well of anxiety because I just can’t bear the thought of being the one putting them at risk. It’s just so hard finding that balance, but little by little I think we made it work and found ways to make their vacation worthwhile.

Fast forward to 5 months later, I feel some sort of peace knowing that they’re finally back home (after a very disastrous journey of excess baggage and quarantine) and still, healthy (ish). I thought I would be fazed when we sent them off to the airport but that feeling when we got back home and had the house empty for the first time in months just had me weeping so bad. I miss that feeling of security, knowing they’re just around. I miss home cooked meals, our chores holiday and the feeling of going home and seeing people, especially my Mama who’s always so excited to see me.

I guess living away from them the past 6 years did teach me a lot about independence and responsibility but having them here even for a short period of time made me realise how much I miss having them around. How much I still yearn to be babied and not to do any adulting stuff at all. Ahhh I miss them.

Lamyerda Diaries

Lamyerda Diaries: Summer outing @ Brighton

The transition is real! When we all arrived in the UK almost 6 years ago, all we ever did in the first year was of course work, drink and have fun! A lot of laughs, rants and even tears in between but I’m proud of how this friendship turned into family. And as we continue to grow and evolve, the gang is also getting bigger as we are joined by cute little angels! Let’s do this trip every year, yeah?

Blabbermouth

ThisIsMe on This is Us

After months and months of contemplation I finally decided to start watching This is Us (Mandy Moore opposite my high school crush, Milo Ventimiglia). I heard about this series from Good Times with Mo podcast and how DJ Mo kept recommending it to everyone so yes, I finally watched it!

It’s one of those stories where it feels real. Like it happens to everyone. And the way they shift different timelines is just brilliant. I also love how each character is relatable. It is basically about a non-conventional but closely knit family – which is usually a very sensitive topic for me but watching each episode just gets me sobbing everytime. I can’t believe how every fiber of my being gets so affected (ang oa ko don sa every fiber ha! Hahahaha!) – maybe I’m just overly sensitive and a cry baby or maybe, it just showed me something that I’ve always wanted to have and how important family is no matter how dysfunctional, imperfect it is.

2 seasons down and a hundred buckets of tears later (okay, that can’t be true, maybe just 5 buckets max), I therefore conclude that I want AND need a JACK PEARSON in my life. That Rebecca like my Mama sacrificed a lot of things for her family; she may appear tough on the outside but if you dig deeper, all you see is fear, worry and nothing but compassion for her children; she only wants the best. The Pearson family took me in an emotional rollercoaster- really good ride though, I might add.

Since I have this habit of saving quotable lines while watching, why don’t I share them with you anyway!!

Life feels like Pac-Man sometimes, I guess. It’s the same game all over again. Same board. Same ghosts. Sometimes, you get a bunch of cherries but eventually and inevitably, those ghosts catch up with you
Sometimes you just got to do the right thing. You got to do the right thing, even if it’s not what you want
If at some point in your life, you find the way to show somebody the same kindness that your parents showed you, that’s all the present I’ll need
It’s a helluva lot easier to accept what you are, in all your damaged glory, than to try and be someone you’re not.
I know it feels like you have all the time in the world, but you don’t. So stop playing it cool
There is no such thing as a long time ago. There’s only memories that mean something and memories that don’t.
It was kind of like we lost a hear, and there was no place for the blood to go
I think everybody sees their childhood with different lenses, different perspectives
Every battlescar is gonna be another memory