Aca-ganapan

#ThirtytaDiaries: Unang Hakbang

I know most people I know did 30 things before turning such age. I did plan on doing that too kaso, tinamad at nagprocastinate. But I think it still is a good idea to do a list now that I’m actually 30 so at least I have something to keep me busy (as if I’m not) and say nung trenta ako, eto yung mga ginawa ko.

D A N C E

Dancing has always been a big part of my life. I even wanted a career out of it. I’m not saying ang galing galing ko ha cause I know I’m not it’s just that it gives me so much joy and a different type of high. All I ever dreamt of was to become one of Michael Jackson’s back up. So nung nategi siya, I told myself ay, si aunti Janet nalang pala muna or Destiny’s child kasi sila yung uso. I did join clubs and contests in college but there were just too many things happening around me I had to take a step back and focus on my studies and later on, my career.

Yung step back ko, never nang nagstep forward ulit. I got too caught up with everything kinalimutan ko yung isa sa mga bagay na nagpapasaya sakin. Since my project 30 is about indelible memories and reconnecting with my passions (gusto mo yong may pa theme ako? Hahaha), it was just right to start it with dancing. Ayan na, finally taking my first step forward. Hasthag Ang unang hakbang.

Parang ang daling sabihin nung unang hakbang but I’ve actually lost all confidence to do it. I’ve searched for numerous programmes available- yung beginner friendly (dahil my skills are basically back to 0) and di sing mahal because you know, a true Tita is well versed with the term value for money. Luckily, I found one that offers a free trial session. Paaaak! Thiz iz it!

Napaaakaaahabaaa nung chika ko but to cut it a bit short (wow ha) I finally took classes after so many years of uncertainty and procastinatiob. Unfortunately, no videos or pictures were taken kasi nabusy ang lola nyo. I’m rubbish now compared to when I was so active but I was just so happy doing it ayoko na ngang umuwi.

I guess what I learned from this experience is that despite getting caught up with all your responsibilities like bills or work and everything adulting, wag din kakalimutan yung responsibility to yourself to make time to do the things that make you happy. Napaka iksi ng life! We will never really know when our time is due thus grab every opportunity or take chances as soon as possible.

Hanggang sa muli! Taaaaa!

Blabbermouth, Random Snippets

Random Snippets #12

Watsap por yu!?

This month has definitely kept me on my toes. Super super busy BUT I am not complaining. All the distractions kept me from thinking of a difficult yet fleeting moment from a few months back. Haaay, life!

I’ve been planning to write about some of the things I’ve been up to in more detail soon but na-sipagan lang ako magblog about a movie we’ve watched literally just now – The Write Moment. It’s a Filipino indi film which stars Jerald Napoles & Valeen Montenegro. This movie doesn’t have the typical pinoy movie twist we’ve all grown up to. Ang simple ng treatment. Not too fussy, not too dramatic. Ang simple ng story but, it sends an important message.

Napaisip lang ako, at some point we all wanted our happily ever after. We all got stuck on the idea to the point na we keep on looking for it from every person we love. I’m not saying it’s bad. It’s ok. It’s normal. And why would you get into a relationship na hindi ka naman masaya in the first place di ba? That’s what I appreciated in the movie. Kasi, hindi pwedeng masaya all the time. Hindi pwedeng nakangiti at nakatawa lang kayong dalawa 24/7. It’s not realistic. In the end, mapapa isip ka, nagkaroon ba ng substance? May naging katuturan ba yung puro happiness lang? Mas naging matibay ba kame? Have we even learned anything? Naging masaya nga ba talaga?

Sabi nga ni Eminem, snap back to reality. Naipasok ko pa talaga yan kasi yan lang naisip ko lol. Ayun nga, reality tells us na that is not what having a relationship is all about. Requirement yung mga trying times kasi it strengthens you and your jowa. It can reveal your true self and can bring out the best (or the worst) in you. Tapos, hindi ba mas sulit yung saya na pagtapos ng lahat ng unos, kayo parin.

Other reality though is, you learn na despite trying, may mga bagay talaga na won’t work. Yung tipong alam mo sa sarili mo na you did everything, you gave it your all. And as hard as it sounds, kelangan talaga minsan mag let go. Yung andami ko talaga nasabi hahah baka akala ng iba humuhugot nako lol. Pero yun nga, despite the heartbreak, it gives you chance to have a fresh start. Who knows, yung fresh start may kalakip na new beginning with someone else di bels?

Ang refreshing lang nung mga ganung story nadaldal tuloy ako. Naalala ko lang, bank pala ako mamaya tapos clocks go forward today so mabibitin ako ng 1 hours na sleep so babush na muna! Next time na yung next na chika ko. Taaaaaaaa!!

Aca-sabihan

Love, Heartaches and Recovery

“The battle has finally ended. There were neither winners nor losers, what’s left was happy memoirs, dried up tears and bruises and new beginnings .” -A.

I have tried so many times to put all my heartaches into writing but I guess I never had the courage to do so. And, more than a year later, here I am, still wounded by the past but healing, guided by my hard earned lessons and still chasing my new beginnings.

Eleven years, seven months.

Ten years LDR.

Skype sessions, viber conversations;

Every two years meet up, or if lucky, every year.

It was a long and winding battle we both had to fight and now, I can look back with a smile knowing we did a good fight for “us” to last. Nobody wanted us to be together, but we sure as hell showed them how determined we were. Family, friends, distance couldn’t get in our way. It should have been a really interesting and powerful love story ey? High school sweethearts, you and me against the world love affair; But, our story just had to end, cause despite withstanding all of the obstacles, all of those forces trying to break us down, we forgot to deal with our one true nemesis- OURSELVES.

“She brought me to the beach and she pointed to the right where the Baltic Sea is. it’s a very beautiful and blue sea, and the current travels west. Then she pointed to the left, the North Sea, also very beautiful but the current travels east. And then she pointed to the middle and said: That is the perfect relationship. You can look to the left and you can look to the right and both seas are there, and they can meet in the middle but they never lose themselves in each other. They are always themselves no matter what” – Copenhagen

We lost ourselves. And in the process, we ended up hurting each other far more than we ever imagined; more than we ever wanted to. And when there was just too much hurt that at one point it already overshadowed all of the good and happy memories you’ve built together after all those years, you just have to breathe, accept the fact that there was nothing to fix anymore, that it was just not working anymore, gain strength and courage and then... let go. So I did. It wasn’t the easiest decision to make, but I thought that moment was when I felt I was at my bravest. I finally acknowledged that there was really something wrong, and we can’t just keep on coming back to square one. It became a never ending cycle and it made me feel sick. It was no longer doing me or him any good. It was no longer healthy.

The letting go and moving on part was a horrendous process, clinging on your dear life, wishing you won’t fall off the wagon with all those hopelessness and depression and end of life ideations. It felt like drowning in front of a lot of people yet no one can save you… But yourself. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world but it did get better, it does get better each day, one step at a time. It also gets better knowing which of the people around you truly cares.

I’ve kept mum for the longest time but now I could finally say with a happy heart that I’m on my way to full recovery (getting to the finish line actually😉)and that I wish you nothing but happiness and success cause you’re a good person and I know you deserve it. All the best! And as for me and my soul searching, I’m still discovering and seeing a new side of me which makes me more excited with life. I am more inspired now. I am more free. I am more me. I am … :)